Eye have a spelling chequer,
It came with my Pea Sea.
It plainly marques for my revue,
Miss steaks aye can knot sea.
Eye strike a quay and type a whirred
And weight four it two say,
Weather eye am wrong oar write,
It shows me strait a weigh.
As soon as the missed ache is maid,
It nose before two long,
And aye can put the error rite
Its rare lea ever wrong.
Eye have run this poem threw it,
I am sure your pleased to no,
Its letter perfect awl the weigh,
My chequer tolled me sew.
You can find the story behind this poem and the original at the spell checker poem
last changed on May 19, 2009
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The results of translations from Chinese to English are quite often hilarious, and so are translations performed by automatic translation tools. So why not combine the two for some fun?
Reportedly, when the first bi-directional English-Chinese translation computer was finally completed, the computer scientists and electrical engineers fed the phrase "Out of sight; Out of mind" into the machine, then fed the output Chinese translation back in. The response was "Invisible idiot".
Translation technology has likely improved since then, and has thus unfortunately become less funny. To test this, I ran a bunch of English sentences through Yahoo's Babelfish English-Chinese translator, and then ran the resulting Chinese back through the Chinese-English translator. Here are some funny results that came up:
Out of sight, out of mind
Outside line of sight, outside brains
I had a gut feeling that something was up.
I have an intestines feeling which something rises.
The sunset took my breath away.
The sunset makes me be dumbfounded.
To be or not to be, that is the question.
The survival destroys, that is a question.
When the smoke cleared, they were gone.
When the smoke eliminated, they go.
They are in dire need of organ donors.
They are the urgently needed organ subscribers.
It was a heart wrenching sight.
It is the heart wailsome sight.
All the while, the president had been lining his pockets.
President has been situated his pocket.
The rich get richer, the poor get poorer.
Becomes richly richer, becomes poorly poorer.
Reluctantly, she opened the fridge.
She has turned on the refrigerator reluctantly.
The visitors did not behave well at all.
The visitor simply does not have well to display.
She was very pretty, and did not look her age at all.
She is very pretty and simply has not looked at her age.
He had never done this before, but now he was finally going to realize his life-long dream.
He has not made before the surface, but he plans the experience life-long dream now finally he.
He vowed to undo the damage he had caused.
He pledged that cancels other party has become damage.
Obesity is an increasing problem among teenagers and young adults.
The obesity is in the youth and a young adult's growth question.
Too little too late.
Too few queen mothers.
He did not like it when other people would put words in his mouth.
When other people in his mouth, will invest the word he not to like.
In many cities, parking space has increasingly become an issue.
In many cities, the parking spot has become the question more and more.
Suddenly the lights went out.
The light closed suddenly.
Our research of the living cell has barely scratched the surface.
Our survival cell's research has not grasped the surface nearly.
last changed on January 22, 2009
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- If it's bad, it's possible.
- You can find anything you have lost, as long as you are looking for something else.
- The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the likelihood of being able to scratch.
- The lower your zipper is, the lower your credibility will be.
- There is no end to the amount a person can accomplish, as long as it isn't what they're supposed to be doing.
- Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.
- Of all the fundamental forces of the universe, the strongest is the will of a woman.
- Whatever can go wrong will go wrong, at the worst possible time, in the worst possible way (Murphy's law).
- You can have it cheap, fast or good. Pick two.
- All roads lead to McDonald's.
- Sometimes the best way to get through is to go around.
- As a rule, there will always be an exception.
- The quality of the napkins at any given restaurant is inversely proportional to the messiness of the food.
- It usually takes at least three socks to make a pair.
- The better the shoe fits, the uglier it must be.
- Procrastination is the only thing guaranteed to get done.
- The probability of being watched is proportional to the stupidity of what you're doing.
last changed on September 26, 2008
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I found a hillarious list on the web called "50 things to do on an exam when you know you are going to fail anyway". Here are some of the best ones:
- Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say "oh nuts, better get cracking" and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes early.
- Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five minutes into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who are you? Where's the regular guy?"
- Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off.
- Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up! For math or science exams, try using Roman numerals.
- As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.
- Every five minutes, stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam.
- Turn in the exam approximately 30 minutes into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.
- Go to an exam for a class you have no clue about, where you know the class is very small, and the instructor would recognize you if you belonged. Claim that you have been to every lecture. Fight for your right to take the exam.
- Bring cheat sheets for another class and staple them to the exam, with the comment "Please use the attached notes for references as you see fit."
- After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her.
- During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, chairs, anything you can reach.
- Answer the exam with the "Top Ten Reasons Why Professor xxxx Stinks."
The complete list can be found at 50 things to do on an exam when you know you are going to fail anyway
last changed on August 6, 2008
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Some of the weirdest analogies found in papers by high school students:
- The situation had become topsy-turvy - like Christmas in the summer, if you’re in Australia.
- Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
- The information imbedded on the stolen computer chip was like an explosive so explosive it could explode, creating a massive explosion.
- Her parting words lingered heavily inside me like last night’s Taco Bell.
- The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
- His face looked like an ice sculpture. Not one of those pretty ones in the middle of a cruise ship buffet, but the kind they do in a contest with a chain saw - and it had been out in the heat too long.
- She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.
- A single drop of sweat slowly inched down Chad’s brow - a tiny, glistening Times Square New Year’s Eve Ball of desperation.
- The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.
- Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two other sides gently compressed by a ThighMaster.
- He spoke with the wisdom that can come only from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
- From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and “Jeopardy” comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30.
- Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.
- Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.
- He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.
- She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.
- She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
- Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
- Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
- He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
- The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
- He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River.
- He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
- Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in any pH cleanser.
- Her voice had that tense, grating quality, like a generation thermal paper fax machine that needed a band tightened.
- It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.
- The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
- Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
- They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan’s teeth.
- John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
- The thunder was ominous sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.
- His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underwear in a dryer without Cling Free.
- The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon.
- The politician was gone, but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can.
- She had a voice so husky it could have pulled a dogsled.
last changed on March 14, 2008
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